Simple, Yet We Make It Complicated

As times, it seems that life is actually simple. However, we would like to make it complicated. Is this due to our human nature that we're given a higher thinking brain capacity?

Funny how at times when other couple of newly weds, both working adults can live on a culmulative salary that are on par with our individual earning capacity. The funny thing is, yet they are living happily while we on the other hand, if team up with our other half, are earning more than double of these people. We managed to earn in 6mths what they managed to do in 12months. But yet these people are at times a lot more happy that us. Guess it's due to their simple lifestyle.

Even for relationship, we like to make it complicated. I once read a comment, "Don't make relationship complicated. If you like me, i like you, let's go o a date and see how things goes". Definitely a very simple and straight forward approach. Life would probably be ha'lf stressful today had we kept our relationships simple.

So don't think too far and too far ahead. Keep life simple and enjoy it. Life is a journey, not a destination. Had it been a destination, we would probably be lost and have no idea what to do next once we reach our destination.

Tender, Loving, Care

Got this phrase from a Hong Kong movie titled "L for Loves, L for Lies" starred by Stephy Tang and Alex Fung. Quite a nice movie about relationship for passing time should you have 2hrs with nothing to do.

"Liking a person doesn't mean that we can be together in a relationship. We don't see the flaws of each other until we get into a relationship. And being in a relationship together, it's important that both can accept each other's flaws without expecting either party to change."

Any thought provoked? Well, although in the movie, it was the girl telling the back-up boyfriend that "like" doesn't mean that they are ideal for relationship for they haven't cared much about each others flaws given that the relationship is not real.

For me, there was a sudden thought provoked. It brings back some memories of those potential relationship that stops just at friendship. Hmm... for once, sounds like i shouldn't regret about not bringing those relationship into the next level. Many friends have told me that i should have give it a try, test out first. Otherwise you won't know for sure. Besides, why waste an opportunity that was served on a plate right infront.

I guess the reason is simple. I have high respects for others and myself. Humans are emotional beings, we have feelings and felt greatly towards emotions that touch us, moved us, such as love. Why should we start a relationship with someone just because the opportunity arises. If lots of people start a relationship just opportunity arises, then lots of hearts would break, especially for those irresponsible being that applies "try first, worry later" theory.

Heart and feelings are fragile, that's why TLC (Tender, Loving, Care). Appreciate others, respect others and above all, help others. Don't take opportunity on others in relationship because opportunity arises.

A simple comparison based on my perception,

Like - mostly related to tangibles (looks, appearance, clothing, body-shape, lots of cash, big house)

Love - mostly intangible (how a person makes you feel, personality of a person)

Given that "like" are mostly tangible, it is high-risk should you go into a relationship for this reason. This person looks good today, but if the looks is no longer there. Humans age, accidents happens. Body-shape, would you still like when a "pear shape" turns to "ball shape" after giving birth. Big house, lots of cash. Would the like remains should an about turn due to wrong investments and lost everything?

Wherelse, "love" are intangible aspects. It doesn't change over night. It evolves through things that happens to us, and our environment. Eventhough it evolves, the traits remains. You'll feel the same way towards a person / thing for a long long time.

So there is actually a thin fine line between "like" and "love". Don't confused with them and mess up others' life. Treat others with the respect that you expect to receive in return from others. Love them for who they are and not what they are.

Always remember, "Tender, Loving, Care".

Living our own dreams, or living the dreams of others?

Upbringing is very important in every childhood. It is this process that moulds what they might grow up into. No, i'm not talking about success career or education. But rather success in living a meaningful life, a chosen path of their own rather than being chosen for them.

If one were to look and do a slight observation between the western upbringing culture and oriental upbringing culture, one could easily distinguished how it influenced one's future life. Some may be lucky enough, to travel abroad and see it with their own eyes, but for those who ain't that lucky, like me, we ought to learn from what we get of the tv screen and books off the shelves. This are great opportunities which are abundance should be take note of it.

In the oriental culture, a child was taught about filial-piety, high moral values. To some extent, their future life was chosen for them. Parents placed high hopes on them. Hope that would one day take over the family business. Hope that they would emulate certain cousins or next door kids to become a doctor, engineer, architects, lawyer and many other white collar professions. Anything short, they life would be filled with destructive criticism. In the course of ensuring such successes, the child are routinely exposed to undue pressure and high expectations. Children today are rob of their childhood, while some doesn't even know what it's like to be a child. Kids today, attend school, tuitions, music classes, sports lessons and yet are expected to perform and excel in everything, just like how adults are expected to perform in their career. Here's a reminder, we chosed to be in the job that we're in today. Even if it's shit, we chosed it on our own. But for the kids, they didn't chosed to be under such pressure. It was chosen for them. Parents are moulding their kids to be something that they wanted themselves to be. In short, their kids to live their dreams which they didn't manage to fulfil due to some circumstances. But then, what about the dreams of these children? What is wrong if their chosen path happens to be arts, stage play, filming? It ain't that bad, these careers infact are paying decent monies. In the process of moulding the child, they are indirectly exposes for various stress, frustrations, anger and aggression from the parents. Thus an unhappy childhood filled with burden and sad memories.

On the other hand, the western culture encourages one to be independent. The parents provides the needs, the child have to chase the wants on their own for those are their dreams. Parents provide love, and play the role of a fatherly figure to guide them on the ups and downs of life, not a dictatorship parenthood. As such, a happy child that doesn't grew up surrounded by fears of failures or fears of unable to life up to expectation tends to be more confident in live and decision making. Even if they failed, they live surround by constructive criticism which would help them to stay positive and try till they succeeded.

What the oriental parents need to do is to learn and boost the talents and gifts of their child, rather than hope to mould them into something they are not. A great football can't mould his son into another great football if he doesn't possess the skills and talent. But he may have good taste and talents in composing music. And that doesn't make him useless and thus the parents shouldn't think less of the kid and leave them with useless remarks. Learn to look for the positive side or everything rather than the oppose.

So if you have a child in future, do not mould them to chase you dreams, but rather mould them to chase their dreams. In return, your kids would appreciate your guidance and yet remain filial and comes homes for dinners and holidays even though they are busy and successful or even a somebody. If you mould them to chase you dreams, chances are they would remain filial, but it is because of out duty rather than out of love. I'm sure you who want something than comes from the light heart rather than heavy heart that fills with burden and resposibility.

Ouch... sorry to say this, no wonder old folks homes and elderly care home are businesses are mushrooming and flourishing in Asia. The kids have successfully live their parents dream, white collar job, big bungalow, etc. But yet life is still unfulfilled. And since they now have the money, why not send the elderly parents to a home care so that they can start chasing their own dreams despite it's been shelve for years!

It's never too late to chase one's dream regardless of age. Age is just a numerical number. One's need to fulfil their dreams so that they can rest peacefully knowing they have achieve what they themselves wanted, and not what others wanted from them.

Lighting Hope in Adversity

A Chinese proverb reads, "The flower that blossom in an adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all".

A leader, is one who is more the happy to provide help and guidance to whoever in need. Great leaders aplenty, Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, President Roosevelt, Julio Caesar. Lesser known leaders aplenty, our bosses, our parents, our teachers, our friends. Similarly, all of them carries dreams that encompasses others, to give them hopes through testing and challenging times.

I wonder, is there anything that these great leaders ever lose hope in adverisity? Do they ever suspect their own abilities to lead?

Myself, nothing spectacular as these great leaders. But nevertheless still a leader of somewhat. Guiding and providing hope to certain people in needs.

Up above, i'm just like a duck swimming calmly across the lake. Down below, my legs are churning madly just to stay afloat with fear than my feet would stop churning one day and drown. Times are so bad, that my self believe and confidence are thinner by the day, will my feet stop churning and drown myself with all the hopes that was laid on me, i wonder. At times, i did wonder if i've taken more than my plate can accomodate.

The greatest fear is not failure, but rather than failure will drown the hopes of others with me. The burden of living up to expectations is heavy, just hope that i do live up to it.

Someone once told me, assume if the duck is a mice, and the lake is a bowl of cream soup. Mice can't swim but this mouse knew the meaning and purpose of his life. He has a family which he love dearly and want to go home to them. Therefore drowning is not an option. He churns his leg fast enough that the soup starts to thicken, and eventually became thick and solid enough that he can walks on it can escape from the bowl.

A leader is no different from the mouse. A leader needs to know the meaning and purpose of his role in order to leaer effectively. Rather than accept the given adversity, a leader should acknowledge the adverse and try to change it into favorable opportunity to improve and change.

I hope, i may soon stumble upon the serenity to seek the power from within, to turns adversity into hope, before the virus of negativity spread beyond cure through the whole team.

I wished not to be the flower of adversity, but i do wish for a simple inspriration, that will enable everyone to put food daily on the table, with the knowledge that there will still be food on the table for days to come.